Pro gay friends..perhaps

It's a complicated feeling when you know some of your friends are pro gay yet you still don't have the courage come out to them. I think because I also not sure others are anti or neutral in that issue or not. Quite hard for me to come with those pro gay friends and keep secret from the rest as we are in one close gang. Not that I don't trust those friends to keep my secret since I'm not ready to come out publicly, just that keeping this big secret from others will be hard to them because have to handle both mine and others' feelings. I know how hard it is to keep a secret without telling your close friends, because I'm experiencing now.

Did anyone have suspected my sexual identity before? I guess not really, they just think I'm a nerdy and kind of anti-social person., that's why no girlfriend at all. By looking amout of my FB friends, then you can know why they think that way. One case they wanted to add someone I know, I just said go to my profile's friend list to search was easier because I don't have so many friends in there. They looked me in a pity way...lol. Moreover, I don't look how they think GAY should be like. As you know, there many stereotypes about us, so my image just don't really fit into that stereotypes. Although I still have some feminine sides, straight guys also can have those and is accpetable for youngter now.

Anyways, I'm still thinking whether I should come out to my friends. Seriously, I really scare lose the friendship when all of them know it. If jsut come out to pro gay friends...I also feel bad not to tell the rest about it. I know I have this thought maybe I feel so alone to struggle about who I am. Luckily, I found some blogs and started to blog, so I don't really feel so stress. Keeping everything inside my mind is very torturing to me. Plus, no gay friends to seek advice, so...ya..just lost in the middle of desert. In US, coming out got three stages - with friends first, family, then society. However, this does not really apply for collectivism culture like us, because we all link to together..

SIGH...Try to hold my tear and go to sleep now.