Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Fear of Losing Loved One Forever

I always know that life is short, and treasure what you have. I also know it's very painful when you might losing someone you love the most.

Recently, I truly understood what those mean. My mum is diagnosed with cancer, and it totally changed our life. The day I knew about it, I didn't know what to respond because it was my mum broke the news to me. Not sure it's a good thing because she still able to make fun of it, like "Doctor said only few months left.....just kidding la~~" =.=

First night, I could only hide and cry about it. People always think bad things will not happen to them, so did I. I really can't believe I have to face this kind of situation. It's on third stage..a lot things went through my mind, is it can be fully recovered? would it come back again? what my mum have to go through?

One night, my mum came into my room, and said she feels sorry because she will become a burden to us. During that moment, my heart was broken into pieces, because I could feel that how afraid and worry she is, about what she going to face.

I know I have to be strong, so that I can give my full support to her. Soon, we will have discussion with doctor about the treatment. I'm ready for it and won't easily let anything to bring me down. My dad and brother have already done a lot of research about the cancer.

Luckily, all of us are still quite optimistic about it. We believe that everything will be alright as long as we support each other.

I love my family =)

At here, I also encourage you all try persuade your parents to go for regular checkup especially they are after 50 years old. Prevention is always better than cure. 

Friday, 1 May 2015

I'm Seriously An Idiot

There is a wise advice to people, which is think before you speak. However, I totally fail on this. I did something very terrible to someone.

Jacky is my ex-date, and after few dates we didn't contact for quite long. After that we still got like each other post on social apps. One day, I was quite bored at home, so keep finding friends to chat. Then, I saw Jacky online, and I felt like want to know how he is doing. Hence, I started chatting with him.

The conversation was going smoothly, and throughout it we supposed to go out for dessert la but I accepted first then suddenly felt lazy, so I indirectly made it not going to happen =( After that he still cool with it, not until I said something terrible which I never thought would be SO OFFENDED.

Currently, I have feeling for someone and trying to chase after him. Hence, when I said I will ask Jacky out soon, I added this "but as friend not date" He suddenly pissed off and asked what do I mean??

I was shocked and couldn't think properly so simply said I'm seeing someone so want to make it clear (actually still nothing happen between me and that guy, I just want to let him know my heart got someone ady T.T). He was quite angry about it and said I should go find that guy not him.

Friend told me I should think before I type and be more empathy. This time I really didn't put myself in his shoes. Think about it, it is really offended to someone. I'm so selfish to just say I want to say without think further.

I'm so so sorry to Jacky T.T I always think I'm socially awkward person, now it proves that I should either don't talk to people or go attend talking skills class x(

In the end, he got apologized if he said something too over. Hope he is still okay. Maybe I should just talk to Ryan and don't disturb other people's life =(

Sunday, 29 March 2015

Stay Away

Just realized I have ignored my blog for two months. Maybe like many people, I also working like cow for company GST project. Until now everything still like a mess, I still can't say we are ready for the commencement of it. Teamwork & communication are very important but seems like not in my company. Everyone just like playing tennis, throw the ball here and there. I was like HELLO! We are playing baseball, please freaking catch the ball, and do what you should!!!

Okay forget about work first. I have gone through many dates but all just slowly fading off or dying. The most memorable one was dating with Mr Popular. He is quite popular in Instagram by looking at those comments. Most of them are hot guys, some even I'm following. Oh! He is working at SG, so yeah..it's long distance date?

He is like those typical hot guys - well built body with six packs can't get away. I did go all the way to SG and stayed at his place. However, dating him was like I'm in the world that I'm not supposed to be. His level just too high for me, I'm not saying about financially but overall. His philosophy of life..social life..the way he carry himself. All just make me feel like I can't catch up. His friends one hotter than another, I was like a lost hyena accidentally run into the lion group.

Maybe I'm still not that level or it's not what I want. People always fancy about having a hot guy as date, but in reality you have to know what you are first. Most importantly, he is not really serious about us. One day he told he is planning move to a further country, then I straight away cut it off. I know our directions are different, and nothing serious about us.

Currently, I quite enjoy being single. During the weekend, I just date myself as go shopping, gym then sitting at a cafe reading a nice book. I found it quite nice to spend my weekend like that. Just add on like once a while, hang out with some friends and my bestie. 

I consider stay away from dating temporary, and start love myself more. Find things I like to do, and do what makes me feel happy. 

Jerome is so hot!! *drooling*

Sunday, 18 January 2015

How Long WIll I Love You?

Throughout the past I have been through,  I have learned some things that I also not sure I can take them as conclusion.

I understand some promises are meant to be broken. No matter how hard you try to work on it, if the other party doesn't want to give a shit, it's pointless to try anymore.  

I realize some promises become nothing and meaningless once they are broken. No pain caused from them.

I recognize what is love to me personally. Love is blind. Love is pain. Love is great. Love is unconditional. Love is not just for one person but for those who are loving you as well. Love is not everything but I can't live without it.

I understand time is not a measurement to define...how close you are to someone, how much you love that person, how good or mature you are as person. 

I realize soaking one's self in the past, doesn't heal your scars at all, it will only make it worse. Slowly letting go means you are slowly moving forward and appreciate present and future.

I recognize sometimes don't want to let go not because you love that person so much, but you just don't want to take the defeat lying down.

Monday, 29 December 2014


Do you believe in soulmate? Have you been into relationship, and found that person not your soulmate, then you started searching again?

A recent psychological research found that those people who have stronger belief of soulmate, have the higher chance to easily breakup. In other word, those who don't believe in soulmate, most probably have longer and lasting relationship.

Why? This is due to if people believe in soulmate, they tend to find someone who is perfectly match with them. When they find their partner doesn't meet what they want, they are more easily to end the relationship.On the other hand, people who don't believe in it, they are more likely to understand & know relationship needs a lot of efforts and compromise to sustain it.

Of course, it doesn't mean you can simply find a guy as long as you know how relationship works. There are also some fundamental things, which both of you have to be matched. Just you can't think that you can find a guy everything also matches with you and meets your criteria. 

When you like a person, you like the good sides of him. However, when you truly love him, you accept his flaws, and embrace his imperfections.

Do you think those couples who have been together for 30 years, is perfectly match to each other? They went through the hardest trial - Time. Love itself is not enough, we don't know how many quarrel they had, how many times they wanted to breakup. Nonetheless, they managed to find a way to give and take, calm down, compromise, then continue staying together with no regret.

How I wish my soulmate was either of them. Okay stop dreaming!!!

Sunday, 7 December 2014

Best Friend's Ex

Would you date your best friend's ex? Is it a dilemma to you?

To me, I would it depends on many things that will make me decide what to do.
- Were they break up peacefully?
- Are they still friends?
- How strong is my feelings toward that ex,
- Is my relationship with best friend strong enough to go through this?

I asked some of my friends, most of them say it is big NO NO to date best friend's ex no matter how close you are with him or her. Although the best friend mostly would say you can go ahead, deep down sure there is something still bothering she/he, and it would still feel uncomfortable for him/her, especially sitting on same table having meal together. (That's what they said la)

Typical me, I would follow my heart as usual, even though I listed out those things as above to be my considerations. xD However, IF they broke up because the ex cheated or they really ended up badly, I would definitely not going to date him.

Maybe everything is okay, but I have to choose best friend or that ex. I would choose best friend, because having true friend is more important than knowing someone who just might be the right. Best friend is forever.

 People would think don't say it for sure, because when I am in the situation, things will be different from what I have thought and said. I might just give up the best friend, and choose the so called "Mr Right".

Oh well, I seriously hope there is win win situation, even though it is hard. 

"Right time, right person - Happiness for life. Right time, wrong person - Sad ending. Wrong time, right person - Regret for life. Wrong time, wrong person - Torturous time."

I'm sure all of us want to avoid the last one.

Saturday, 29 November 2014

Nothing means Nothing?

Again, let me clean the dust on my blog first *blowing*. It has been 2 weeks after the last post. Nothing special happened, or maybe it's happening..haha.

One day I did something to my friend.

Me: I got something can make you happy. Just give me your hand.

She: What?! Erm..okay.

Me: *Grab something from pocket, and put on her palm*

She: *Saw nothing on palm* Hahaha..stupid!! There's nothing.

Me: No! I made you smiled, so it's not nothing.

Maybe it's lame, but when think about it. When we doing something passionately, and giving all our efforts on it. In the end, we said there's nothing we get. Is it true? Sometimes when we say we get nothing, actually it just means we didn't get something we want only.

When we use another point of view to look at it, we actually learn or got something from it. It may seems not a good thing, but I believe it will make us become a better person or at least know how to differentiate what's good for us.

Just like relationship, we definitely have learned something from those past relationship. Happy or not, those still made you who you are now. Some people take longer time to learn, as they keep repeating the same mistake. However, the day still will come, and they know how to let go and become stronger. Those are painful experiences, but they can't stop us to know what we want.

Try to be optimistic, I would say destiny or God  (whatever is it), giving us all the hard times, so that we are ready for the one or having a better life. Some are blessed as don't have so much hard times, some just need go through a lot and a lot, to test their patience & persistence. 

Saw an interesting quote. "No matter how deep you have been hurt, there will be a person appears in your life, who makes you forgive how bad life has treated you."

Need learn to let go =)