However, this year not sure good or bad thing, we as few friends of her who all still or back to single (including her..lol) decided to celebrate her birthday on exact day no advance or whatever.
As usual, went to the mall, all lovely couples holding hand, many restaurants decorated the place full with heart shapes. We as a group of singles went inside the restaurant where all tables were two seats only..LOL
|Love Latte for me..lol|
Try my best don't lie, I just say not interested and no comment, so he said I'm so picky. That night, at some point, I really wanted come out to them, but a lot things pop up in my mind..how to say? what to disclose? everything? include my hook up? how they gonna judge? what if??
In the end, I just swallowed it back...coward. I also realized how great I am as comformist..I always conform what my friends said and easily influence by them for my decision making.
Went back home, found out one friend has been ignoring me for weeks, finally removed me from his friends list. I kept telling myself, what I have done wrongly?? Did I offend him when I don't aware??
Again, realized my bad mind-set that everything is my fault and easily manipulated by others' act. Always want to please everyone..everytime got into argument or quarrel..I always the one who say sorry no matter whose fault it is. I scare people having bad feelings for me...that's why.
After ruminating on all about myself, I really wanted to cry but don't know why it just stucked inside my eyes. I knew if I cry it out I would feel better but just couldn't cry. Since after primary, I have never got one tear drops from my eyes...I also don't know why. Try so hard but....
In the end, I just covering my face with blanket while listening some emo songs......
(Sorry for long emo post..have my <3 <3)