Everytime when I'm driving at night, there are always a lot thoughts go through my mind. Like imagine what will happen if I got a boyfriend and how I wish I can go to his place to just vent out all my tiredness and lean on his shoulder or any part of the body ; ). Even just imagination I also feel the happiness of it but well I guess I'm not that fast to get a bf or can I say no one want me for my current condition.
Not dare to just donwload Grindr or Jackd to just see whether I'm presentable or wantable in market..haha. Well the loneliness really drive me crazy especially seeing so many lovely gay couples walking around and by the way I met the hot guy that I have been stalking in FB, although quite different from photos but still hot. Not sure the guy with him is friend or bf, yet he is also hot. Hot guy always go with hot guy. Chances for me I think is very lower as no one really say I'm handsome before even my mom only said it once when I took off my glasses. (Seriously, I'm have been more than 14 years don't know how I look without glasses)
I'm keep telling myself to be rational because don't just simply find someone due to loneliness. In the end, it might hurt each other. That's why I going through transition (settle my skin problem and my skinny body) and preparing to really enter the gay world. Until now I still worry and paranoid a lot because scare my family and friends will find out, that pull me backward. Hence, my relationship experience is totally zero so don't even talk about sex. I also not surprise people around me don't really suspect me being gay because never have girlfriend since I'm quite nerdy and homebody to them.
Luckily, I can blog about all this thought and feelings out and like I said before I blog just to make myself feel better don't mind no one read it. I also can comment on my favourite blogs to give me sort of spiritual support that I'm not really lonely. I'm glad I accepted who I am even though it's quite late compare to others.