Straight-acting?? Gay-acting??

Actually, I still not sure what they (in gay apps) mean interest on straight act only. For my understanding, they want a gay who behave like a straight guy, which means manly?? no effeminate behaviour at all??

If that's the case, I feel quite annoy when they listed this as absolute rule to find a partner. Oh please!! I don't believe none of gay doesn't have any feminine sides.Look at all those manly gays, they sure still have some feminine sides, but don't affect their attractiveness.

You can't deny it!! If they really straight-acting!! I bet they just pretending, surpressing the feminine sides. Like what an author talked about it:

"When I attempt to be straight-acting, whether it is for a laugh or to rapidly attain meaningless sex, I suspend all movement. Gone are the gesticulations, the rubber-faces, or the rolling of eyeballs. They are replaced with—well—nothing. Speaking in a low monotone, any semblance of personality evaporates. To be discreet, less is more."

Every gay who is totally coming out publicly, all sure got a bit feminine sides. Okay maybe there are really got gays who are really straight-acting. However, to me it's like finding Mr. Perfect, you take your times to wait la...

Also, having some feminine sides doesn't equal to sissy..it's totally different thing.

Valentine's Date & Tear

This year Valentine's day I was not alone anymore because celebrated my friend's birthday. We never celebrated her birthday because it's V day itself so many friends sure not free and she also kept saying no need celebrate.

However, this year not sure good or bad thing, we as few friends of her who all still or back to single (including her..lol) decided to celebrate her birthday on exact day no advance or whatever.

As usual, went to the mall, all lovely couples holding hand, many restaurants decorated the place full with heart shapes. We as a group of singles went inside the restaurant where all tables were two seats only..LOL

Love Latte for me..lol



After that, birthday girl went to have fun with her few besties, so I went for a drink with few friends..then that's the start lead me to emo. One of my friend when see pretty girls, likes to ask me whether got interest on them and comments.

Try my best don't lie, I just say not interested and no comment, so he said I'm so picky. That night, at some point, I really wanted come out to them, but a lot things pop up in my mind..how to say? what to disclose? everything? include my hook up? how they gonna judge? what if??

In the end, I just swallowed it back...coward. I also realized how great I am as comformist..I always conform what my friends said and easily influence by them for my decision making.

Went back home, found out one friend has been ignoring me for weeks, finally removed me from his friends list. I kept telling myself, what I have done wrongly?? Did I offend him when I don't aware??

Again, realized my bad mind-set that everything is my fault and easily manipulated by others' act. Always want to please everyone..everytime got into argument or quarrel..I always the one who say sorry no matter whose fault it is. I scare people having bad feelings for me...that's why.

After ruminating on all about myself, I really wanted to cry but don't know why it just stucked inside my eyes. I knew if I cry it out I would feel better but just couldn't cry. Since after primary, I have never got one tear drops from my eyes...I also don't know why. Try so hard but....

In the end, I just covering my face with blanket while listening some emo songs......

(Sorry for long emo post..have my <3 <3)

CNY Chanllenges

Everyone already talked about it before or during CNY so I just going to roughly write it from my own experiences...

"Where is your girlfriend???" Typical question during CNY.

For me as second youngest in the big family, I always can say I'm still young and searching. I guess most gays with BF sure hope they can just bring him back home introduce to family.

That's why coming out rates during CNY at China is very high becasue mostly only child and all the stress and urging they have plus non-stop blind date, make them have to come out and bring BF home. The hospital inpatient rates also very high becasue many parents faited and get heart attack during that moment...just kidding..hahahahahaha

My mum always say in the future second day of CNY she will be lonely becasue all sons and sure go back to wives' hometown. Then, in my mind I think I can be there if my bf got sisters back to his parents, then I totally can bring him back to accompany my mum..LOL

Hence, I should find a BFwith sisters?? Hahahahaha It's good point to convince my mum to accept him...LOL

Think about it, if gay is accepted by society and during the first day of CNY...my bf and I should go back to each other home separately??  Or like China one year my hometown next year his hometown..again and again.

Best solution is find an ang moh then you don't need worry anything..LOLL

Three is Better than Two??

Happy Lunar New Year!!! Having a lot of fun during CNY???

To me, this year surprisingly didn't keep eating and eating, just got more ang pao ; ) I also don't know why.

This year except my granpa’s hosue full of people and could feel the CNY ambience. Went to friend’s house to..ehem..playing ‘game’ felt quite…quiet. Some of them still at over sea and couldn’t come back =(

Anyways, we still enjoyed the day with full of laughter, it’s so nice you have friends around and you don’t need jaga your image..LOLLL

Due to before and during CNY are hectic weeks, my timing with sex buddies couldn’t match at all!!! When they were free, I was busy and vice versa…=.=

Hence, I became hornier and hornier and I made a decision that I regretted. I downloaded Grindr and hunt for fun. Ended up having fun in threesome…erm new experience but this one not that pleasant.

First, they were not what the profile you saw..and it’s okay but they really quite treated me like a toy to lead them shoot out their juices. Maybe they could feel I was quite new and passive. It ended very fast..like literally. Well, like someone said it's a hook up..what can I expect..different from sex buddy or BF.

Oh!! Got one was Turkish..first time tried and I didn’t really like it. Too hairy..lol sorry no offend just not my taste. =)   Okay la I have to say his face is good looking. Another Asian..hmm..looking at his car..can know his family very rich. Why? Because he is just few years older than me already got nice car and condo.

Anyways, still prefer one to one ; )

How's everyone CNY? Good???

Turkish?? Anyone? Nope..he didn't shave his chest like this

Slimmer a bit..his face exactly like this model!!!

So Nostalgic

Suddenly, don't know why want to listen the song Digimon - Butterfly. Gosh! So miss my childhood, it's the best anime for me. My childhood definitely can't miss up this one.

Love the ballad or slow version..the lyrics also so nice. =) 

I'll become a happy butterfly, and ride on the glittering wind
I'll come to see you soon
It's best to forget the unnecessary things
There's no more time to be fooling around

 

What do you mean, wow wow wow wow wow? I wonder if we'll reach the skies
But, wow wow wow wow wow I don't even know what my plans are for tomorrow

After an endless dream, in this world of nothingness
It seems as if our beloved dreams will lose
Even with these unreliable wings, covered in images that tend to stay

I'm sure we can fly, on my love

 

I'll become a merry butterfly, and ride on the earnest wind
I'll come to see you where ever you are
Ambiguous words are surprisingly handy
I'll shout it out, while listening to a hit song

 

What do you mean, wow wow wow wow wow? I wonder if it'll echo through this town
But, wow wow wow wow wow There's no use anticipating

 

After an endless dream, in this miserable world
That's right, maybe not using common sense isn't so bad after all
Even with these awkward wings, dyed with images that seem to stay
I'm sure we can fly, on my love

 

After an endless dream, in this world of nothingness
It seems as if our beloved dreams will lose
Even with these unreliable wings, covered in images that tend to stay
I'm sure we can fly, oh yeah

 

 



 



Mirror mirror mirror

Queen in Snow White always ask mirror mirror who is the most beautiful in the world. Well, I also do same kind of thing, but I just ask mirror how I look today and smile :)

Not sure if just me or others too, I always find when I looking the doupelganger in the mirror..he looks fine and kind of good looking. However, looking him inside the photo then you know it's not what you think and seen T___T Of course some with good 'skills' can make it look gorgeous...

Study found that when we looking ourselves in the mirror, our mind will automatic distort the image we see as in shape the image becomes nicer. In other word, when your look is 5/10, your mind will shape the image in the mirror becomes 8/10.

No wonder some who are good looking so arrogant,and narcissistic because when they see themselves in the mirror...they see 14/10 of illusion..LOLL

That's when you are working out, you should take photo before and after instead of everytime look at the mirror to see your body because mostly is false relfection...

Of course your mind can make it looks nice, it also can make it worse. Like those have the schemas that they have bad body, they will see themselves super ugly in the mirror. Fat body..ugly face...etc.

I think is all about self-aware and acceptance, just realize how good you are or accept the reality of your look. Hence, Smile!!! everytime you looking in the mirror = )   =D

"Why I look so gorgeous"

"I'm so good looking"

"Is it real or just illusion??"

How I wish one day me in the mirror and photo still the same

To the Land of..Whites??

I miss the blogosphere so much!!! Went to a place when I was super lazy to write new post, only read and comment on others blogpost ; )

Well, I travelled to a land supposed full of Asian, but mana tau reached the hotspot area, Caucasians everywhere!!! Really felt like I was in Europe country rather than Asian…lol

Due to it is a place with hot sun and beaches, of course I couldn’t miss to spot hot guys with nice bodies  ; )

I know I’m a bit racist but I really prefer Asian so a bit sad when I hardly to find any hot Asian =( Most Asian I saw are China men with nice belly. Local at there also quite hard to find hot one or maybe because I prefer fair skin one..LoL

My friend and I tried to tan our body but we were epic fail!!! Hahahahaha Don’t know why those Whites can tahan all the hot sun. We applied tanning oil to have sun bath..but felt quite painful after that. 

Because of Mr. Joker , I downloaded Jackd back to check the market at here. Of course I didn’t do anything, I was very good boy ; ) Well, the local one hardly to find with nice body and mostly are beauty flower boy with fair skin…not my type xD

Went to beaches, don’t know why Caucasians seem like very easy to get six packs, it’s like six packs everywhere O.O From not really visible one to defined one.. *drooling*

Okay..photos time!! *BUT You all will definitely throw eggs to me and block my blog because of my lousy phone and VERY bad snapping skills. You mostly can see their sexy back or tiny figures only!!!* LOLLLL

My friends always around me..so hard to snap it nicely..had to do it secretly =(