Gay Men and Aging Part 1

Recently, read about an article from Michael C. LaSala (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/gay-and-lesbian-well-being/201204/gay-men-and-aging-finding-your-purpose) and it made me be silent for awhile to think about it. The article mainly talking about how most gay men culture too focus on physical attractiveness and beauty of their sexual partners, but those things will be taken away little by little over time. Hence, when gay men start growing older and older, they need to face this challenge by either keep maintianing your physical attractiveness or adjusting their value and purpose in life. I think both options are tough journey to go and some might go extreme like suicide which there are some real cases for this issue.

Therefore, we are quite vulnerable to some of wild sides of gay male life, which is overemphsis on looks, youth, and sexual attractiveness while having the risk of losing healthier life and values for sustaining and helping you in aging. The author didn't mean looking for beauty is wrong as I like what he said "Nothing is wrong with lusting after a handsome man—(we are gay men after all), nor doing what you can to be one yourself" Just that we also have to think and value more other things rather than surface. We gay men also have feelings and own bad or good history of life, these can make us to get intangible assest beyond outside of a person. By the time, you already old only to start finding those things, it may be too late for you. I think you can have few years of wild life but you have to know when to stop or slow it down and start to about the purpose in life for long term.

New Trend and Female Friends

Recently I found something interesting about mixed gender group of friends. I have seen a lot of groups are with one female and other are guys..is like literally a lot. I'm not saying this is wrong or unappropriate, I just curious what kind of relationships are this..all are best friends or she is one of the gang girlfriend? but most I have observed the female usually is like leader or alpha in the group., so the guys are her admirers? Quite curious about this trend, I can find it at every shopping mall and think it's quite interesting.

Well, I guess I can ask myself back cause my female friends totally more than male friends. Sometimes hang out with whole bunch of girls and I'm the only guy in the group. Even my dad asked me why most of my friends are female, I also didn't know how to answer. Maybe is normal for a gay? I always don't know why end up attach to a group which female is majority. I got 2 close male friends and other close or good friends are female. Maybe communicate well with girls and they found me more approachable compare to other guys? They normally automatic see me as friend not man..hahaha Don't know is good thing or not, but I don't think they suspect my sexual orientation. They just think I'm a little nerdy good boy...or maybe they got doubt inside their mind..not sure.

Forbidden Love and Gay Love?

I found that people (include myself) really like and tempted to stories and drama with forbidden love theme or idea. What is considerred forbidden love may different from culture or people. Chinese folk stories, myth and legends have many forbidden love elements in them and some are sad ending or happy ending. Nonetheless. many people still love them and feel so touch and admire about the forbidden love stories. Many moving folklore are about forbidden love and orally handed down from generation to generation. For example,  legend of the white snake is one of the most popular folk tales talk about the love between a young scholar and a thousand-year-old white snake that has taken on human form. Many people really love this romantic and touching story, but well it is technically the love between animal and human.
What I am trying to say is why many people can accept those kind of forbidden love but not gay love? Just because even that forbidden love is about animal and human, but it's still a heterosexual love? Okay, maybe just because it is a tale so people don't really think about it...how about love between a couple with 20 years age gap...fall in love with your best friend's ex or current? People normally feel shock and gossip about it, but they are not really against it. When you tell about love between same sex, they not just shock and gossip, while feel disgust and contempt about it. However, all of them are still normal relationships which do not cause harm to others or any social problem. Well, I bet many people think it is a social problem.
 Nevertheless, I found an interesting point about forbidden love. Love is refer to longer partnerships while forbidden love considered limerence which consumes a great deal of passion and involves a lot of fantasy and involving a state of intensive longing for the person. According to the psychologists, the person has to be unreachable in some way, for it to fall under the limerence category of love. The fact that limerence is perpetuated as long as the couple are prevented from being together, explains why the opposition to the love affair often ignites the emotions.

It may true for gay love as commitment and long partnership of gay relationship often seems quite hard to maintain and achieve, but I believe longer partnerships definitely happen in gay love, and it will happen in many gay relationships if society are really open and accept this kind of love. Of course ourselves also need to stay strong no matter what and fight for our own rights.

Straight and gay couples

Holidays coming very soon but I don't have any excitement about it. Maybe I still need to work my part time job, which make me become so busy even my friends ask me to hang out also lazy case mostly rest and sleep during free time. As a spoiled brat or good boy protected well in a greenhouse, first time to know how precious is the money you earn from your hardwork. However, need to find another part time job for long term even I start my class in University. This current job work too many days, impossible to work long term. I have the plan to not spend extra money from my dad as much as possible, even thoguh he still insists to continue give my allowance every month.

Talking about my part time job, I'm working at retail shop and mostly is one to one service cause how to communicate with customers and know what they want. I have met many kind of customers and of course many hot guys as well ; ) Some are super hot as in good lookings and hot bods O.O  I also found many gay couple came to shop, but some still not sure whether they are or not since my gaydar is kind of useless (x.x). Some of them quite open and easy to identify by looking their interaction, got one couple even when into fitting room together, which I think hardly to find between two straight male friends. Some couples looked so sweet and made me jealous, and I can see some straight couples, you think the guy is gay (like a bit sissy and soft voice) as individual but he is not and look damn sweet and happy together with his girlfriend.

I have served a customer who was very hot with nice face features and well built body even wearing a formal shirt also can know. He looks like mix because got both Malay and Caucasian features speaking in good English and mature guy with formal shirt (fetish) which totally made me melt and increased heatbeat (O 0 O) Too bad cant scan whether he is gay or not, but even he is I don't think he wouldn't look this young skinny boy for long. Well, keep it for my fantasy and dream.

Coming out to your parents

I have read a interesting article about should gay come out to parents by Mr. Michael LaSala. Researchs showed that kids came out to their parents, on average at age 17, with some coming out as young as 14, which is a good sign but unfortunately is in US. However, he as a openly gay writer still warn people don't simply come out to their parents because they are still many parents still can't accept and reject their children for being a homosexual. He suggested a few things to let us take note whether it is right time to come out or not:
Making decision
1. They often say things that are anti-gay or homophobic. (Knowing my mum for many years, she definitely a anti-gay person =( well my dad still okay...I hope)
2. They have threatened to hurt you if they ever found out you are gay. (Not really have touch this topic)
3. You are financially and physically dependent on your parents. (Totally x.x)
4. You would be devastated if they reacted badly.
5. Your "gut" says not to.

Before you tell your parents, there are some guidelines too.
1. Have a worst case scenario plan.
2. Gather your supports. (Better to have support from close friend who know who you are or gay friend who had the experience of coming out to parents)
3. Decide that you will be OK no matter what happens. (We must!!)

When telling them and after that
1. Reassure them that you are happy and healthy.
2. Don't expect them to adjust right away. (Even for myself to accept it also took quite some time so parents need more time to adjust and adapt)
3. Get them educational resources. (I think this is important because let them expose to those other parents who still facing it and have overcome it, to share their thought and experiences)

In my opinion, there is no right or standard timing to tell them, but when you're feel right and have considered many things then just go for it. Although the outcome might not you expected, you still have face it one day. Well, to me I still have the thought to run away from my country and live at a new place to start a new life, but I know it is kind of dream because I can't just leave and don't contact my parents at all...

Grindr & Jack'd

First time to know this kind of apps exist from those blogs I following, quite surprised that Malaysia's gay circle is so big and wild...hahaha.  Until now, I still haven't had these apps even thoguh I got iphone nor any gay social websites. I think I still not ready yet, but looking from what I saw and learnt, the apps are more like hook up for sex? Well, I have seen some cases still able to find the right person you wanted without having sex straight away through Gindr.

I also quite shocked that many gays at my country are out from closet and open, especially in one night stand. Been totally hide myself inside the closet very well, I only discovered many things about gays at my country one year back in my early twenty. Sometimes, I have the urge to download the app and try, but I think I have too many things to worry...again I'm paranoid about this issue..like get caught by people I'm using it etc. For sex? some say keep it for your love one and focus on finding the right person not sex. Well, I think it depends how you like and think about gay relationship. I'm not against hook up for sex or finding the right person, just do what you like and bear the risk in mind.

I using 'find' rather than 'wait' because waiting the right person is not happen to everyone, you need to take one step out to explore or find. Not every relatiohsip like happen in drama bump into a person and following with few times as your fate..then blah blah. Is very romantic you meet your soulmate(well I think gay also has his soulmate not just for straight people) like that but it's not always happen to everyone. You have to be initiative and willing to look around, although I know sometimes is quite hard for gay people.

Hence, some may think Grindr and Jack'd are one of the ways to explore and find the person. Some may also choose those gay social websites to meet new friend and find the right person. To me, I think I will use the apps first since I don't think I ready for commitment yet, because it will hurt others and myself when you just want to fulfill your loneliness and emptiness. Maybe some wild experiences will make me know what I really want or the things I don't realize..=p.

Hot guy with long hair

I always think a guy with long hair will normally give the impression that he is either look like those metal music guy or feminine guy, which do not much feeling about it. However, I met a hot guy with long hair..erm well the length is until shoulder and a bit wavy, to me is considered long. Didn't know that a guy can look really hot with long hair. By looking his features, I think he is mixed blood and look like latino..the only flaw is he is not that tall, maybe he still young still have the potential to grow tall.  Anyways, he really changed my perspective about long hair guy..hahahaa
Too bad I couldn't snap a photo of him, but now I know he looks like who. Enrique Iglesias!!! Just imagine with long hair and thinner body. If you do not who is he, here is the photo of this singer..=)

Hate at first sight?

If love at first sight does exist, does hate at first sight also exist? Well, I experienced it plenty of times, and ya..too bad not love at first sight. One of the cases was I met a girl and didn't know why I had the unpleasant feelings when I saw her. She was friend of my friend and I dislike her at the first time met her. I felt bad about it, but when she started talking with me, then I knew my sensor was right. She was a kind of ...hmmm fake andd bitchy person? Using her American accent where she only lived at US for less than two years, and think she was very pretty.
One day, when my friend and I bumped into her, she used her high pitch voice to shout to my friend "Oh my god!! you look so pretty today!!" I was like..do you really need to act like that? Really wanted to give her this face (=.=). According to my friends, she also really like to flirt around with guys, she is really happy when guys are surrounding her. Maybe I not that good looking, so she didn't really flirt and talk too much with me or I should think I was very lucky.

That just one of the cases, of course there are some cases my sensor was wrong when I got to know that person better. Anyways, my sensor normally works quite well, I really hope my gaydar also can function well like that T.T (sigh)

Sexy time: Top match Bottom?

I always wonder about the role in gay sex, is it must be top with bottom, which one is "giver" and another is "receiver"?  I know there is versatile sex role, but can two totally bottom gays be together and have good satisfacion in sexy time. I mean sometimes you as a bottom cannot control yourself to fall in love with someone who is bottom, and you can simply reject this feeling because he is no a top.

For lesbian is the same concept which both of partners are "receiver", yet they seem work well with each other. Not sure whether bottoms must want people to f*ck them in sexy time, only can get the satisfaction. For myself..still discovering my role preference, but mostly I think I am a bottom. Well, I still have ZERO relationship experience so do even say about sex experience. Therefore, I totally naive and ignorant about it.  

My gaydar is kind of not functioning, maybe because I suppressed my feelings too much so it doen't develop well. I only can identify those with some obvious signs like feminity, but not all "sissy" guys are gays, so I still kind of stuck. Bad habit for me is when I see a hot guy, I will keep trying to look at him. Sometimes is kind of obvious, but kind of manage to control facial expression so it doesn't look like gay-ish peeking and staring. Normally, I think those who are feminine are bottoms, so not sure how to differentiate top with straight guy. However, I found that by listening to their voices is sort of a way to identify, not sure how it works but depends on sixth sense?

Anyways, I still new in this area so forgive me if I asked some stupid questions. =)