Fear of Losing Loved One Forever

I always know that life is short, and treasure what you have. I also know it's very painful when you might losing someone you love the most.

Recently, I truly understood what those mean. My mum is diagnosed with cancer, and it totally changed our life. The day I knew about it, I didn't know what to respond because it was my mum broke the news to me. Not sure it's a good thing because she still able to make fun of it, like "Doctor said only few months left.....just kidding la~~" =.=

First night, I could only hide and cry about it. People always think bad things will not happen to them, so did I. I really can't believe I have to face this kind of situation. It's on third stage..a lot things went through my mind, is it can be fully recovered? would it come back again? what my mum have to go through?

One night, my mum came into my room, and said she feels sorry because she will become a burden to us. During that moment, my heart was broken into pieces, because I could feel that how afraid and worry she is, about what she going to face.

I know I have to be strong, so that I can give my full support to her. Soon, we will have discussion with doctor about the treatment. I'm ready for it and won't easily let anything to bring me down. My dad and brother have already done a lot of research about the cancer.

Luckily, all of us are still quite optimistic about it. We believe that everything will be alright as long as we support each other.

I love my family =)

At here, I also encourage you all try persuade your parents to go for regular checkup especially they are after 50 years old. Prevention is always better than cure. 

I'm Seriously An Idiot

There is a wise advice to people, which is think before you speak. However, I totally fail on this. I did something very terrible to someone.

Jacky is my ex-date, and after few dates we didn't contact for quite long. After that we still got like each other post on social apps. One day, I was quite bored at home, so keep finding friends to chat. Then, I saw Jacky online, and I felt like want to know how he is doing. Hence, I started chatting with him.

The conversation was going smoothly, and throughout it we supposed to go out for dessert la but I accepted first then suddenly felt lazy, so I indirectly made it not going to happen =( After that he still cool with it, not until I said something terrible which I never thought would be SO OFFENDED.

Currently, I have feeling for someone and trying to chase after him. Hence, when I said I will ask Jacky out soon, I added this "but as friend not date" He suddenly pissed off and asked what do I mean??

I was shocked and couldn't think properly so simply said I'm seeing someone so want to make it clear (actually still nothing happen between me and that guy, I just want to let him know my heart got someone ady T.T). He was quite angry about it and said I should go find that guy not him.

Friend told me I should think before I type and be more empathy. This time I really didn't put myself in his shoes. Think about it, it is really offended to someone. I'm so selfish to just say I want to say without think further.

I'm so so sorry to Jacky T.T I always think I'm socially awkward person, now it proves that I should either don't talk to people or go attend talking skills class x(

In the end, he got apologized if he said something too over. Hope he is still okay. Maybe I should just talk to Ryan and don't disturb other people's life =(

Stay Away

Just realized I have ignored my blog for two months. Maybe like many people, I also working like cow for company GST project. Until now everything still like a mess, I still can't say we are ready for the commencement of it. Teamwork & communication are very important but seems like not in my company. Everyone just like playing tennis, throw the ball here and there. I was like HELLO! We are playing baseball, please freaking catch the ball, and do what you should!!!

Okay forget about work first. I have gone through many dates but all just slowly fading off or dying. The most memorable one was dating with Mr Popular. He is quite popular in Instagram by looking at those comments. Most of them are hot guys, some even I'm following. Oh! He is working at SG, so yeah..it's long distance date?

He is like those typical hot guys - well built body with six packs can't get away. I did go all the way to SG and stayed at his place. However, dating him was like I'm in the world that I'm not supposed to be. His level just too high for me, I'm not saying about financially but overall. His philosophy of life..social life..the way he carry himself. All just make me feel like I can't catch up. His friends one hotter than another, I was like a lost hyena accidentally run into the lion group.

Maybe I'm still not that level or it's not what I want. People always fancy about having a hot guy as date, but in reality you have to know what you are first. Most importantly, he is not really serious about us. One day he told he is planning move to a further country, then I straight away cut it off. I know our directions are different, and nothing serious about us.


Currently, I quite enjoy being single. During the weekend, I just date myself as go shopping, gym then sitting at a cafe reading a nice book. I found it quite nice to spend my weekend like that. Just add on like once a while, hang out with some friends and my bestie. 

I consider stay away from dating temporary, and start love myself more. Find things I like to do, and do what makes me feel happy. 

Jerome is so hot!! *drooling*

How Long WIll I Love You?

Throughout the past I have been through,  I have learned some things that I also not sure I can take them as conclusion.

I understand some promises are meant to be broken. No matter how hard you try to work on it, if the other party doesn't want to give a shit, it's pointless to try anymore.  

I realize some promises become nothing and meaningless once they are broken. No pain caused from them.

I recognize what is love to me personally. Love is blind. Love is pain. Love is great. Love is unconditional. Love is not just for one person but for those who are loving you as well. Love is not everything but I can't live without it.

I understand time is not a measurement to define...how close you are to someone, how much you love that person, how good or mature you are as person. 

I realize soaking one's self in the past, doesn't heal your scars at all, it will only make it worse. Slowly letting go means you are slowly moving forward and appreciate present and future.

I recognize sometimes don't want to let go not because you love that person so much, but you just don't want to take the defeat lying down.